Lately, I can’t help but to wonder how the hell my life got to the point it’s at. 

I know that with time, things will change. I’ll find my place in this world. I’ll be happy with what has been given to me. I’ll be the person I was meant to be. However, not knowing how these things will come to be has been driving me absolutely insane. 

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been dealt a fairly trying hand. Nothing in life is easy, but I find myself wondering how God could put me through this. I know it’s strength and I also know that I have the strength to deal with these things but it doesn’t make them any less difficult. 

A million different things are running through my head at any given moment. I want to curl into my bed each night and wake up back in time 2-3 years ago. 

Is there a specific scenario that turned my life around? Not that I can distinctly recall. 

Is there a chance that I would end up in the same place? Most definitely. Happiness surrounds me, yet most days I find it difficult to be happy. I can list off so many things in my life that make life worth living but it’s possible that I’ve just become so adjusted to these things that they no longer put a smile on my face. 

Change could be what I need. I crave all things new, but change is also a terrifying thing. 

I truly hope that with the next orders my husband receives and with the next change that comes my way I can find what it is that makes my heart happy and find my place in the world. In the meantime, I’ll keep repeating myself. 

How the hell did my life get this way?

Posted in Me

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